A whore can fall in love too.

I never felt this way before. Maybe I did? I don't know. It feels so terrible. It feels worse then craving something. Seeing something you like but you can't and can never afford to buy, because you lost your wallet and spend your money on something else.

I think I was in love. I fell for Jonathan. Now that he is gone. He has flown and gone so far away.So far and beyond my clucthers. I didn't cherish him while he was around. All I thought about was money. But I was afraid . afraid that he would find our that I was a liar. I miss him.

The day we ate fast food. That was what he could only offer. But i felt it. I felt happy. The warmth.But i told myself it was only an illusion. Now, its only a memory. A broken one.

I'm going to embark on a new journey tomorrow. I'm ending my school semester. A new life. I can't afford think of him anymore.I can't.

I have to let go. He will only drag me down. Slow my pace of reaching my goal down. Kill me and suffocate me with his love.

But his love. Or maybe his like for me. WIll never be again. WIll never come back. I pushed it all away , while his arms were wide open to receive me. I probably just spinned him in another direction ... Broked his welcoming arm... So much ,so , he can never and never will be able to receive me again.

I have to move on. I have to study hard and work for that scholarship of mine. Any hiccups, I have to compensate for my bond and my scholarship. Which would cause me to become dependent on my parents again. I do not want that to happen.

I told him to tell me that he was over me . He was lying to me. I will embark on this new life of mine soon and he can't be a part of it. I want to make sure he really can't be a part of it.

I don't like draggy relationships. Time-consuming and Undefined.

I smsed him so many times. Telling him that he should forget me . And being and staying as friends is never the way.By staying as friends it won't help me get over or even forget him. Popping me an SMS now and then wouldn't help either. It would only hurt me further. Every SMS seems to be a glimmer or hope...